


Lost

by m_a_archive_owner



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_a_archive_owner/pseuds/m_a_archive_owner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>They were already lovers.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> They were already lovers.

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## Lost

### by Aayla Security ( [ 200122@yahoo.com ](mailto:200122@yahoo.com))

Title - Lost

Author - Aayla Security 

Archive - Masters and Apprentices; Welcome upon requests

Category - Humor, Parody, Qui/Obi, Alternative-Universe

Rating - G

Warnings - For the sake of rating, I've eliminated any improper language use

Spoilers - NONE

Summary - What if Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan hadn't split up when they arrived on Tatooine? What if Qui-Gon had brought only Obi-Wan with him to find the needed engine? What if the only whatever engine available was at Jabba's palace? **Note: They were already lovers.**

Feedback - Thanks. Though I don't expect you to do that. (Which means I will be very surprised but indeed very happy to hear from you)

Disclaimer - The characters and setting are (officially) yours, Lucas, but the sick pleasure gained from twisting them and your lame movie plot is mine!! Muahahahaha...

"Let's face it, Master, we are lost."

Obi-Wan said as-a-matter-of-factly, which was the attitude Qui-Gon hated most.

"You can't deny that I did get rid of Jabba's minions."

"You are right. I can't. But you can't deny that we are lost on the desert of Tatooine without any food and water, either. And it's near sunset."

"The least thing I need is irresponsible nonsense," Qui-Gon snapped, speeding up his X34-landspeeder.

"We are also running out of gas," Obi-Wan looked over his Master shoulder.

"The least of the least thing I need is a gabbling Padawan." Qui-Gon said with a hint of threat in his tone.

Obi-Wan was no affected; instead, he sighed in such a way that was driving Qui-Gon crazy.

"It's not the time to maintain your Master-Almighty image, Master. You don't know where you are going. You are scared. You are terrified. I can perfectly understand why you are upset with admitting your fault, but that's just not the way to get us out of trouble."

"Shut up, _Padawan_."

"Why are you going No. 57?!" Obi-Wan suddenly shouted, pointing ahead.

"That will lead us to downtown."

"NO!!! Slow down! That's the wrong direction!"

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes at his apprentice's stupidity.

"Answer me, Obi-Wan, who has a better sense of direction?"

"I honestly can't tell if you are comparing between you and me," Obi-Wan said sarcastically, "Hold on, let me check the map."

_Then try it,_ Qui-Gon thought, as Obi-Wan took the map out of his sleeve.

"Oh Darth it, I can't read it," Obi-Wan moaned, "Are you sure you've brought the right map?"

"Yes."

"The one for Tatooine Section X902 and NOT Section X907?"

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon yelled as he nearly hit a stone pillar, "If you want kill us both you can just say so!"

Obi-Wan muttered something unhappily and went back to the map. He grew increasingly frustrated as he rotated the map several times.

"Still can't read it?" Qui-Gon teased, even though he was not looking.

"I don't know _who_ can read it," Obi-Wan defended, "The scratches are all tangled together without any order to follow! Let alone the fact that despite those lines, I can't see any existing roads in reality."

"Of course _you_ can't see them (you silly twit). And we will be better off if you close your eyes and fall asleep. At least that will spare me some peaceful moments to concentrate."

"I sense insulting implications in this conversation and-STOP THE SPEEDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Obi-Wan's refute suddenly transacted to a cry when they were approaching another stone pillar. He jumped over the control panel and forced the vehicle to cease movement. Both of them flew out of the speeder because of the sudden stop and car-wheeled on the ground.

"What were you doing?!" Qui-Gon first stood up and shouted, exasperated.

"You-have-to-take-No-95!" Obi-Wan gasped and managed to get back to his feet, "I know that; remember that stone near the correct highway that looked extremely like the miniature of one of the hair styles of the Naboo Queen? If you passed it, you would never get the chance to get back to it again!"

"I've said that _everything_ is under my control!!" Qui-Gon yelled at his Padawan, "You worry too much, Obi-Wan! You are always giving me wise _and_ timely instructions as though you know how to drive!"

"At least I know better than you do!" Obi-Wan retorted, "I am sorry to say so, Master, but I really think you need a back-seat-driver! Had I been hard enough, we wouldn't have lost on this planet in the first place!"

"Are you saying that's my fault, Padawan?" Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes dangerously, "Seriously! Obi-Wan, whose idea is that that we should come here instead of a more civilized planet?"

"Civilized planets are controlled by the Trade Federation, Master! They are expecting the Queen to land there! You said it yourself!" Obi-Wan glared at Qui-Gon aggressively, as though ready to fight, "And if you are so smart, why did you ask for _my_ opinion when we were trying to find a place to land the plane?"

Qui-Gon began to lose hope in his apprentice's memory ability.

"I did not ask for your opinion, Padawan. You offered it voluntarily."

"Oh," Obi-Wan paused, embarrassed, "Sorry about that, Master."

"Yep, you should be sorry." Qui-Gon massaged his temple, "Sometimes you are so difficult."

Qui-Gon instantly regretted this remark, because it inflated Obi-Wan's short temper again.

"I just realized your argument doesn't make sense!" he bellowed, "Old debate routine! Always trying to lure me to a trap which will make me apologize, Master! Great strategy! Smart! Cunning! Deceiving! Treacherous! So this is how a Jedi Master behaves and wins his battle, right?"

"Like you know how to be a proper Padawan and assistant!" Qui-Gon cried, starting to think of every possible personal insult, "You can't even read a map!"

"I am bad at maps, Master. Oh Force, you are my Master and you don't even know that I can't read a map!" Obi-Wan screamed, "Some Master's caring nurturing! Everybody in the temple should be surprised that I am still healthy and happy despite my life as an orphaned Padawan!"

Qui-Gon shouted back, "It's a universal truth that men can read maps while women cannot and I thought you were a normal man!" Qui-Gon reasoned, gladly noticed the resulting red color on his apprentice's face.

"Oh, so my brain functions like a woman's does?" Obi-Wan barked indignantly, his voice getting haughtier, "Well at least I _professionally_ know how to fix a motor engine! Can you, huh, Master? NO! You will say, 'Hey, Padawan, come and fix the thing! I am too stupid to do that!' What a _manly_ thing to do, Master! And I know men are more interested in machines than women are!"

"Apprentice, you are offending your master!" Qui-Gon shouted; he began to advance towards Obi-Wan in an invading and threatening manner, while Obi-Wan bravely and firmly stood his ground, "Directions are the _natural, biological gift_ of men! While machinery is merely a choice, because expertise in it can be achieved with sole diligence!"

"That I can't read maps doesn't mean direction is not my thing!" Qui-Gon stopped before Obi-Wan while Obi-Wan pulled himself towards the sky to eliminate the effect of height-difference-threat, "Didn't I remember the Queen hair style stone, huh?"

Qui-Gon became desperate. "You need to relearn biology, Padawan. Memorizing surrounding objects is the natural, biological gift of _women_."

Wrong reaction again.

"Oh, so my brain does function like a woman's," Obi-Wan said with a kind of threatening attitude, "Well, isn't that terrific? Because apparently _manly_ brains will make us lost in the desert, chased by a bunch of sand people..."

"Only because I was not offered sufficient help," Qui-Gon sneered not quite confidently.

"Ha, now you are talking!" Obi-Wan suddenly laughed hysterically in triumph, "First you asked me which way to go and I did but you didn't do what you were supposed to do. Wasn't I offering _my_ help? How do you define help, then? So silence is the sort of help that you are seeking? Or _my_ help is less valuable than others'?"

"How many times I have to repeat it?" Qui-Gon cried in desperation, "I've told you, Obi-Wan, _you have no sense of direction-_ "

"But you were not even willing to ask _others_ for directions! What's the matter with you when it comes to asking for directions?"

"Because I knew the directions well enough." Qui-Gon defended pathetically.

"Sure," Obi-Wan mocked, referring to their current condition.

Qui-Gon rubbed the bridge of his nose rather vigorously, "Oh, Force, why am I _your_ Master?"

"And you are lousy in that respect!"

"That's it!" Qui-Gon suddenly yelled, "I've had enough!" he breathed sharply as though trying to think coherently, "Padawan, I am afraid this is the end."

"Good,"

"The end of our relationship,"

"Can't wait for it,"

"We don't fit each other; time has proven that."

"That's the most remarkable comment _you can make_ , Master."

"Let me finish!" Qui-Gon shouted, then tried his best to calm down, "Because of the goodness of my heart, I will take you back to the station where the Queen is. We will then talk to the Council about it. After this mission, we will say goodbye to each other as soon as we return to Coruscant. I will no longer be your Master, and you will be no longer my Padawan. You will complete your training under another Master."

Was it just his wishful thinking or he did see tears shining in his apprentice's blue/green/purple eyes?

"Before that, I need to remind you of something."

"What, my brain functions like a woman's or I'm a lame Padawan?" _Okay, that must just be my wishful thinking,_ Qui-Gon thought bitterly.

"No," Qui-Gon had to suppress his anger and disappointment, "Well, remember why Jabba the Hutt was chasing us?"

"Because you owed him a lot of money?"

"Rii-No, that's not! Darth it, Padawan!" He suddenly grabbed his Padawan' shoulders and lifted him up, shaking him hard, which meant to be a threat but he failed to notice a blush creeping steadily over his apprentice's face, "Okay, I was saying why Jabba was chasing us." He hissed through gritted teeth and blew his breath over Obi-Wan's face, their faces parted by inches, "I was making a deal with him-"

"Then something went wrong with your _manly_ brain and you screwed up the negotiation-"

"NO!!" Qui-Gon shouted, forgetting how close he was to the poor young man's ears, "It wasn't about me! I was asking him how much money I had to pay for the engine and he said it was worth 102987 Jabba Credits but then he noticed you! Don't you understand?"

"Actually I don't," Obi-Wan returned him a very confused, yet concerned look, "What?"

"He said-he said he wanted to chain you to his throne," Qui-Gon answered weakly, seeing Obi-Wan's expression turning into one of those extremely horrified, "He said the price wa-was _you_ , because you were the first youthful human he'd ever encountered. Therefore, please be careful next time when you have to deal with him in your future mission."

Qui-Gon sighed and put down Obi-Wan, merciful enough not to elaborate the scenario.

"So, you said no and he became furious?" Obi-Wan tried to fake some composure, but his trembling voice betrayed him. He kept on talking and talking in order to regain his usual Jedi serenity, "And then he attacked us because, well, of that? And you attacked back, and threw me into the speeder, and didn't even take time to have a look at the map just in case we got lost, and had no logic in driving just to get away from Jabba's palace as far away as possible because you wanted to..." His voice trailed off and his eyes, glowing with something that made Qui-Gon's throat hoarse, locked upon on Qui-Gon's. 

Obi-Wan lifted up his body by placing his arms around Qui-Gon's neck. "Protect me?" he whispered in Qui-Gon's ear.

Qui-Gon silently nodded and bent his head down in embarrassment.

"Master, that's so... _silly_." Obi-Wan chuckled.

Qui-Gon shot his head upwards, "What the Sith Hell do you mean...?" But Obi-Wan interrupted him again.

"Jedi are not supposed to form attachments, you know," he said quietly, "Especially when one gets lost in a desert because of that."

"Great, now I am truly grateful that I am getting rid of you. Did I mention that I didn't really love you?" Qui-Gon howled, displeased, but then something stopped his breath.

Gently yet surely, Obi-Wan kissed him. Qui-Gon automatically wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan's waist and held him tightly. Obi-Wan melted in his arms while Qui-Gon deepened the kiss.

"Are we still gonna end the relationship then?" Qui-Gon asked Obi-Wan mischievously when their lips finally parted.

"That's your call," Obi-Wan shrugged and jumped down; Qui-Gon felt a rush of disappointment, "Though I doubt the need," he added.

Qui-Gon nodded and turned to the speeder, "Shall we get back to the road? I suppose I can check out the market place to find the engine."

"Yes, but this time I will drive," Obi-Wan seated himself on the driver's seat, "And I will ask for directions. And you can consult the map."

Qui-Gon couldn't hold back a sigh; he knew his Padawan.

"I give up; you do the driving. But you will drive _my_ way."

"Of course," Obi-Wan smiled brightly, "As long as you don't get into my way."

Moments later they started shouting at each other again.

Needless to say, THE END

Author's note: I experienced the horror of driving disagreement (me as a bystander) when my family went on a field trip.


End file.
